It's been three weeks and I can't stop crying...

It's been three weeks and I can't stop crying... can't stop myself thinking about her, can't stop my heart from hurting and can't stop this dreadful longing, a deep agonising longing that just tears me apart. How can she just go on as though I never even existed. How can she just blot the last eighteen months out of her mind. How can she be so cold.
I feel a hopelessness pervading and engulfing me, a lack of meaning and direction, my mind doesn't seem to be able to work properly. I drop things, I forget things, I wander aimlessly and my mind races so, so fast, running through every variation of every scenario, thinking how I could have changed things, thinking how can I change things, what can I do to make money to prove to her my worth, to be able to look after her, to be a "man" and take care of her. Desperately rack my brains, desperately pray, pray to what I just don't know, yet I still pray, pray for a MIRACLE, oh, please god, show me some kindness and empathy, show me the way, show me a sign, give me some gracious favour, let me find peace and happiness, let everything be good, show her the way, lead her back to me, let her see my forgiveness and let us spend our lives in thankfulness of the mercy and generosity of your glory. Please give me this miracle... I have tried to lead a good charitable, kind life, all my life, please show, me give, allow me this happines. I ask, I knock and I seek...desperately please answer!