Money, money money... she said it was a lack of planning but would there been and thoughts of this had I had money, been able to whisk her way, but the house in London... I think not. It's been the bane of my life...all my life...never being able to earn enough no matter what I earn't and at one time I did earn well.
The ex-wife constantly wanted more more more and now... she had left me, not just money but what money can offer, security, planning and exciting lifestyle "doing" lots of things. She love "doing", I loved this to but also like "being", sitting, observing. There was never enough time to do everything, cramming everything in, do, do do. I joked that it doesn't matter we will never "do" it all - now we won't "do" any, together and this truly breaks my heart. I loved the doing, but love balance to. I love new things, places, people and find it so exciting, but leading back these things need money, money, money.
This is somehow where all my thoughts of planning fall flat, I just don't know how to secure this income - I try to plan, but it the reality of life is, that things, plans don't always work - or is it me. This is a question I keep asking myself, is it me, am I blinded, I so so want to live my dreams, but keep stumbling and don't know how to move forward, or at least now as quickly as I so desperately want and need to do. I WANT TO LIVE MY DREAM - I wish someone would show me how, encumbered by debt (or is this an excuse. I think it is), how do I gain the momentum to take giant steps, this is what it needs, not little steps, huge bloody giant sized strides and quick strides...how...please god (the god that has let me down), how can I move mountains...show me the way?
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