I struggle every day and live for my children, but keep thinking over and over again I am just not meant for this world. My rose tinted specs have become blurry and in need of repair and I just don't think I can face a world of cruelty, insincerity and lack of love. I have struggled for years, often feeling socially and intellectually inept, blustering on and on with the crutch of alcohol to get me through, and stop my mind ans stop me facing up to the cold harsh world. Struggling and never achieving anything, never love, never success and always being let down by the ones I love most. I feel so tired, tired of life and tired on trying, tired and just want to sleep and not wake up.
The only thing that gets me up in the morning are my two little ones, and even they can't seem to soften the indemic blight of a moribund mind. Even here I am stuck, I could and never would leave them, but every day seems a hell on earth and unbearable. I just don't know where to turn to, to over come this situation. I can't even provide adequately for for them. I want to give them the world, as I have with my ex, but seem to continually fail miserably on all counts. I just don't get it, I see all around me people doing so well, people who are unkind, miserable, people who aren't that bright, people who are less priveledged, yet all seem to be able to cope and do better than I. I just don't get it, don't understand why I can't seem to move forward, do well and prosper, but I am just lost. No wonder any woman could not bear to be with such a loser. I just think I am not meant for this world...just want a release...or JUST A BREAK FOR FUCK SAKE!!!
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