A lifetime...

It's been a week, it feels a lifetime. Just one kiss, slow, soft, lingering, would melt away all my worries... I knew they were good but the thought of never having another...no one else could kiss like her.

What is she thinking, what is she doing, I so so hope shes not with anyone else, I can't bear the thought of her with anyone else. She's so stroppy and proud and silly and demanding and bossy...I miss all of those things too.

Should I call, will she think me still weak if I called... does she hate me... does she think I am a stalker...I hate the thought of her thinking ill of me. I want to send flowers, I want to make sure she is safe and well... I just want to hear her voice and try so hard to put a smile on that beautiful face.

Why did this happen...all couples have problems..ALL... she told me when she first met she would forgive most things...what did I do...why could I not satisfy her. ALL couples need patience..wher is her patience...she tested me and at the first hurdle and problem she bails on me...I had so much faith in her and feel so let down. I thought she was better strong, more forgiving and more compassionate. I would have been there for her thorughout whatever life would have thrown at us...rich or poor, sickness and in health...is this a sign of weakness... kindness, loyalty and a love that would endure a life time... I just don't understand.

Should i contact her sister, to see if she's ok... to see if there's any hope, I used to so believe in hope, dream and prayers... they all seem worthless now. Would her sister be sympathetic, I always liked her, she seemed spiritual and kind, would she be kind to me... what should I do...I am lost and without direction...exactly the things she seemed to hate about me...I HAVE NO PLAN... apart from LOVE... I guess love is just not a good enough plan or solution... I feel so down...just one word could change everything.

I keep asking god... just this thing...get her to call me..cal her to come to me... I ask, I seek and I knock and there's nothing... why why why... I have always tried to lead a good life, more than good. I try to help people, I try to do good, always... why has god left me...why am I so alone?