Still can't resist looking at her profile and reading it and thinking that is me you are after...but for the first time today saw her profile and didn't end up in tears. I noticed it had changed and can't help wondering why. Yoga...she never did yoga with me and Gospel singing... we had this conversation..it's "Gospel"...as in from the Gospels from the bible! ... again a very devout Muslim...only when she wants!
I wish I had handled things differently, but all she needed to do was hold out her hand. I am trying now to address my problems, one of which is huge regret, but I need to understand why I got this way and try not to revert back. It has cost me the love of my life. I still think if I was the love of her life she would have come to me, helped me and we could have worked things out. I really don't think I could have loved her more...but love on one side I guess is just not enough. I wish I knew what she wanted - I guess I do this perfectly together, wealthy, cultured man who never answers back, lets her have the freedom to do what she wants, yet jumps when she calls. Provides her with an income so she doesn't have to work, provides her with a house and travels and explores the world with her doing what she wants to do...good luck with that one! (Are the any gay, mute millionaires out there! lol).
Ironically I would have loved to do most of those things for her and with (apart from the not answering back!) and would have given her everything I owned (not a lot), but it was not enough...
Time to try to move on... I will never stop wishing and praying she will call, but hold little hope. I truly think now this is it for me with relationships... can't stand this heart ache ans don't think I could find someone to compare with her... and I won't settle for second best. I will concentrate on my kids, work and friends (miss my best friend though and guess always will, but have to deal with it)... onward and upward!
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